There's no Porn Here!

So what is here? Some odd statistics. I put up a page containing nothing but bait phrases like "Paige Davis naked", etc., repeated for all the cast members - yes, even Frank - plus some buffer text to make it less obviously a bait page. Then I linked it from one well-hidden spot so no one but a search engine would be likely to find it. Then I sat back for a few months and collected the referral strings from my server logs, which almost all contained the search terms used to get to the page. It's incredibly unscientific, because each result is at a different spot in the result rankings for each cast member, but it's the best I could do.

And I wound up with enough results to choke a horse. Since the info was a bit too much (plus some of my logs got munged in a crash), I took every third week and worked with those. While the graphs came out looking like crap, some interesting trends appeared.

In the 42 days (6 sets of a week each) I looked at, 37 had hits on the page. All but one of the no-hit days were early in my "experiment", when the page hadn't quite propagated through the search engines. It's therefore safe to assume that every day someone goes looking for nekkid pics of cast members.

I counted all hits, even if they didn't specifically mention something "adult" in the search string - the title of the page was "Rampant Trading Spaces Nudity!" so if you click on a link with that name I assume you're guilty. I also counted a few hits from other pages that were inadvertently siphoned off from the nudity page when I used the phrase "Paige Davis naked" as a recurring joke about needing more visitors. I also didn't censor by IP - there's a few dedicated people who repeated their searches... and came back to the exact same bait page. Kind of like looking into the fridge twice in five minutes in the hope that something new appeared, but to each his own.

Anyway, results. All percentages are rounded unless otherwise noted.

Paige is the favorite female and favorite overall. (62/248 hits - exactly 25%.)

Carter is the favorite male. (58/248 hits - 23.4%.)

Carter would've been the favorite overall, had Paige not appeared in those charity-strip-n-fondle pics - Carter had a healthy lead until a bunch of "Paige Davis Strip" searches came in. In fact, if not for that Genevieve would've likely had more hits than Paige.

The rest:

Genevieve - 47 (19%)
Amy Wynn - 17 (6.9% - the dropoff surprised me)
Ty - 16 (6.5%)
Christi - 11 (4.4%)
Laurie - 10 (4%)
Hildi - 6 (2.4%)
Vern - 4 (1.6%)
Kia - 3 (1.2%)
Rick - 3 (1.2%)
Doug - 2 (<1%)
Barry - 2 (<1%)
Alex McLeod - 2 (<1%)
[None] - 5 (2%) - People just looking for general Trading Spaces nudity, I guess.

Favorite "naughty" words to put in searches, along with number of occurences:

nude - 82 (Tha winnah!)
naked - 34
strip - 31 (Most of them Paige's.)
cleavage - 12 (Split evenly between Paige, Gen, and Amy Wynn)
fake - 10
porn - 4 (All in relation to Carter.)
shower - 3 (All in relation to Ty.... WTF?)
sexy ass - 1 (Paige)
chain bed - 1 (I think it's naughty - "vern yip chain bed", either he designed a bed with chains somehow involved, or someone wants him chained to a bed...)

Not-so-naughty words, at least by themselves:

pics/pix/picx - 42 (Ah, brevity.)
trading/Trading Spaces - 23
pictures - 23
free - 4 (No one wants to pay....)
photo - 4
Swiffer - 3
commercial - 2
fanfic - 2 (One for Laurie, one for Carter)
redhead - 1
rumors - 1
show - 1
movie - 1

And here's some odd searches, the italic text is the search exactly as typed into search engines, with my comments in plaintext.

nude Doug Wilson "Doug Wilson nude" - Hoping to find twice as many pics, perhaps. And they did: twice nothing is nothing.

swiffer naked - If you want to, sure, just don't start Swiffering other people's houses like in the commercials. I could see it now. "You're cleaning my house again! And put some pants on! And a shirt! Jeez, we're a bunch of housewives having a little get-together! No one wants to see that. God, you're draggy."

amy wynn barry rumors trading spaces - Hmmm?

rick dickerson - Is this someone else entirely, or some hideous Frankensteinian combination of Rick and Kia?

Oh, and every other Carter search from Google had been spell-checked. That "Oosterhouse" is a nightmare to spell right, apparently.

If I feel moved to, I might dig through the other logs for interesting searches. You never know what you'll find! Perhaps some Frank searches, even!

Beat a hasty retreat to the main page.
Make a break for the old news page.
Run along home.

This site and everything on it are Copyright (C) The Archon 1999 - 2005, unless otherwise noted. So there.
Trading Spaces is owned by these Banyan people, or something. TLC's got something to do with it, too. I don't own those. If I did, I'd probably beg Paige and Carter to do some softcore porn to be sold under the TLC label so we could sell it. Looks like it'd be a hit.

Current URL:
Main URL:
Tripod URL:
Backup URLs: