Site updates:

April 11, 2005 AD
(The music for tonight's update will be Sonic Wanderer's "Jumpin J Remix" of Peter Clarke's "Tai Pan". Of course, since I'm wearing headphones, I'm the only one who can hear it. For the overly curious who don't mind a (legal) MP3 download, please see the "Remix.Kwed.Org" link on this review page. Of course, that link only works in accordance with the phase of the moon, so it might lead nowhere.)

I said I wouldn't update again. I lied.

Missy, one of the homeowners from Mulberry Hill Lane, e-mailed me recently. After doing as much identity verification as is possible with the Internet - which is to say, almost none - I asked permission to post some of her feedback online. (Of course, I only did this because she liked what I wrote.)

It's posted on the actual page, but I'm also including it here, for your reading enjoyment. Missy's words are in green italics.

Monochromatia: (Section of text deleted.)

You know, this is not the first time recently I've seen two sets of homeowners who seem to know nothing about their so-called neighbors. Are some people so desperate to get on the show that they're willing to ally themselves with a pair of unknown but equally desperate locals?

Missy writes: We really did/do know each other very well! Our children were best friends for about 4 yrs and we spent many a Friday, Sat & Sunday BBQing and drinking beer and taking road trips to the beach and other near by places.

This explains the whole man/power tools thing: Elsewhere from elsewhere, Frank and David are distressing some furniture. Frank sits astride a bench and runs a sander across it, then he gets a smile more distressing than the bench looks.

(Section of text deleted.)

Missy writes: Franks wife Judy was at the set all 3 day (they are local here and it's rare she gets to be there with him) she is beautiful, use to be a runway model. David was taking video for us at our house and caught Judy on tape and asked her to say "Hi" and said something like "this is Judy Frank's wife" and one of the crew steps in and says don't film Judy she hates to be filmed. But Judy pipes in, "That's OK no one ever believes Frank is married anyway" LOL

Shoot her, shoot her now! Time to staple the fabric to the giant headboard. George puts a few staples down carefully, making sure they conform to a regular pattern. Showing that her motto is "Quality is job #26", Hildi takes the gun off him and fires it into the headboard as fast as she can. Since she's not in a good position and too lazy to move, the further she gets from herself the less the staples are lined up. In fact, they look more like they're down in a cissoid pattern than in any straight or regular line. The cameraman doesn't get close enough to confirm this.

Missy writes: I realize Hildi has a reputation but she truly was extremely warm to us. She was very concerned about our welfare and even though she doesn't seem to care if the Home owner will like some wacky project she does she IS very concerned that whatever it is it is done right. She is very much a perfectionist, and wants things done right. As far as the staple gun incident goes, George was being a slow poke, you have to admit and we were under some pretty strict time constraints because it was the end of the day and she still had to go shopping.

Final analysis: I'm not in love with Frank's room, though it's not bad. I don't like the "peanut-butter" and white furniture, and I'm not much for the rustic look, so the distressed picket-fence headboard is lost on me. I do like the shelves with the hidden supports that are attached to the pickets, though.

I love the quiet elegance of the "gallery" they made for the children's drawings. It's nice, it's changeable at a later date, it's flawless.

The dresser-type piece Andrew built to fit onto the highboy looks nice and fits in well with the furniture of the room. I just hope it's attached firmly. The color scheme - other than that peanut butter affair - is nice as well. Cost: $992.53.

George and Missy like it. Missy's on the verge of tears - the art gallery puts her over. They leave for the other reveal before she gets too teary.

Missy writes: Just wanted to say the colors in my room are actually very nice and you were right on about the artwork my kids did, it is the best in the room.

July 22, 2004 AD
Ah, it's been one of those long hard thinking times. Given that I still lack the ability to actually watch TLC, plus a rather deep hatred of television that's seeping in, I've decided to ditch the pretense that this is going to get resolved to anyone's satisfaction anytime soon, and close this section of the site down.

I didn't want to, particularly a section that never even got off the ground, but it looks like I must. I'd like to apologize to a few people, particularly people who I promised I'd write something for. You'd be amazed at the number of people who want me to call Kia down to the lowest....

But I really, truly, am sorry. I didn't mean to fail to live up to promises, potential, or expectations. But it happened. I do hope you'll forgive the transgression.

I do wish to make a peace offering, though. All I have to offer is the following two things....

There's no Porn Here!, a summary of the number of people who use search engines to try see various TS cast members naked.

For Sale: Ratings Tonic!, a humorous item (originally posted on Usenet) on how I think they could improve the show.

Be well, all of you.

The Archon

Old news.
Beat a hasty retreat to the main page.
Run along home.

This site and everything on it are Copyright (C) The Archon 1999 - 2005, unless otherwise noted. So there.
Trading Spaces is owned by these Banyan people, or something. TLC's got something to do with it, too. I don't own those. If I did, I'd probably sacrifice Laurie on a demonic altar.

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